


Of supposedly last chances.

by anassa_anemou



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Ratings: R
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-01
Updated: 2012-09-01
Packaged: 2017-11-13 08:55:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/501709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anassa_anemou/pseuds/anassa_anemou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock will try anyway he can to have one more chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I will reach you any way I can.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CakeorDeath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CakeorDeath/gifts).



> Hi dear, I hope you truly enjoy this because I worked truly hard to finish and to make good for you. Somehow I ended up having great difficulty writing, because I wanted to have Bones' POV, that is the easier one for me to write, but Spock kind of jumped on me to tell his history and this is what came out.
> 
> Also, thank you to duckwhatduck, and her awesome beta skills. Any error left is mine.

“Would you care to join me in a cup of tea? If you share some habits with my old friend, perhaps a hot beverage would be most desirable in times like this.” It’s strange that his body leans to the doctor, because one of the things he most regrets from his own time is not being able to just reach Leonard.

“I don’t think me and your McCoy have much in common. In times like this, as you put it, I prefer a good dose of whiskey.” Those blues eyes look at me with intensity, a hard stare that he hasn't seen in years in Leonard’s eyes.

He wonders if this McCoy will have the same animosity with his younger self and if they will part in the same path of love-hate, if nothing or no one interferes. It’s foolish to feel jealous of someone that essentially is himself, but he does envy his younger self the possibility of a new long life beside Leonard.

Leonard, Leonard, Leonard...his mind always pulls at the emptiness left by his absence.

“If I recall a hot beverage works better than alcohol when one needs the muscles relaxed, but not necessarily the mind as well. And I believe your father would advise strongly against you drinking just after a shift in Sickbay. ”

He doesn’t expect the explosion or the way this Leonard’s eyes burn with rage and hurt, only after the other stalked away from him does he remember that this McCoy just lost his father, and doesn’t have the years his McCoy had to appreciate the memories his father could bring him from time to time.

He hopes in the next weeks he can mend the damage this interaction may have induced in his forming relationship with Leonard and thought his mind tries to slip to his memories his mental shields are stronger and he puts them away. If he wants this to work, patience and the understanding that this is not his McCoy is key to have hope again.

***

The next time they meet is one week after the hallway meeting and Leonard is eating in the Mess, talking quietly with Mr.Scott. Both men seem engaged in a discussion and he is surprised to see that Leonard doesn’t seem angry at being laughed at because of his hate for the transporter.

It’s fascinating to see the bubbling laughter that makes half of the room look at their crew members and wonder how Mr. Scott can make the always irritable and almost rude doctor laugh that way. He enjoys the way Leonard’s face is full of positive emotion, instead of the sad or pained ones he saw through the last days when they crossed in the hallway.

***

This James T. Kirk is more damaged then his own and the boy - he still shocks himself with all the crews youth - can be so confident at one time and so insecure the next. They are in the observatory and Jim looks at the panel of stars with longing and excitement, but his words are carefully measured.

“I think it is a good idea if you and Bones can set a good record with your medical knowledge. Because I swear, if I hear him whining one more time about not knowing were he was stepping when he signed up, I may kill the guy - and I do love him.”

He notices the hard stare and the way Jim’s hands clench in fists beside his body. He knows trough the mind-meld how intimate and close this Jim and Leonard can be. The feelings were so strong they bled through when he was trying to show everything to Jim on that cold planet. 

For now he will believe this dimension has breaches and differences from his own and understand how much this Leonard can love Jim Kirk so much more then his Leonard ever did.  
***

Three days later Jim calls him to his private rooms and when the door slides open is to reveal both Jim and Leonard squeezed in a sofa while the younger Spock is perched in a chair, expressionless as always, but he can see the cracks, for years he held those sames breaches in his mental shields.

He enters the room and Jim offers the other chair in the room. When he is seated, he notices Leonard’s right arm encircling Jim’s waist, and how how comfortable they seem in the position. There isn’t any tension, just a quite and light connection, he would bet if he wasn't a Vulcan that even though it seems simple that connection is strong and complex, made by deep secrets and horrible life and death situations.

“Good evening, Jim, are you having a good time?” It’s a rhetorical question, he sees the happy face and the way Jim hasn't drunk any liquor but just enjoys the quiet night.

“Good evening indeed, Ambassador, I have your good company, a wonderful night off, and the vision of what Spock's face would be like, if I weren't sure he was holding back even his mind from considering the illogical nature of Bones' and my conversations.”

Spock, he notes, quirks a brow and Leonard changes his relaxed position to a stiff one, his face is hard as steel. Since that day in the hallway they don’t seem to have reached any better steps and this encounter is Jim’s attempt of bringing them close, perhaps more familiar before they have to work together.

“I hope you aren’t enjoying just my company and my younger counterpart, the good doctor seems to enjoy your company more, and from your own laid back posture I assume I’m correct.”

Leonard doesn’t look at him, just leans more firmly to Jim and drinks from his glass. His counterpart maintains a rested face, but he can see the stress in the little movements his hands are making awhile they rest in his lap.

“Oh, Bones and I always have a good time. Tonight he is being possessive, it’s the liquor. In the Academy he would go all man cave in my ass and drag me back to our dorm. Funny thing is that we don’t do the nasty anymore.” Jim yelps and he passively watch as Leonard stalks of the room after slapping his friend and captain.

He realizes that if they are going to work together he will have more opportunity to know the doctor and therefore he can be stay away from him in other times. That means the patience he’s been exercising will be of great proof now. 

Leonard is at his reach and he waited long enough to say his feelings. One week or one year won’t make a difference. 

***

Later, two weeks to be precise, Jim insists he must start his work with Dr. McCoy. He plans and gives Leonard a order, and Spock knows if the doctor had a chance he wouldn’t choose that for his own. He walks to the Sickbay, his steps are precise and it contrasts with Leonard’s agitated behavior.

“Doctor McCoy, I wish to apologize for our latest interactions; I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable in any way and I can promise you I will try my very best to avoid such situations.”

Leonard regards him with silence and after a brief nod guides the way until they reach his office. When both are sited and he feels at home; once there were long nights with reports to be done and the quiet murmur of their voices with light insults.

“The Captain was very emphatic we should meet before your departing the ship, but I’m really busy, so I will leave you here and the computer at your service so you can log the information you desire. Later I can look through and we can talk if I need anything else.”

The doctor leaves him alone, without even a look, but he appreciates to be left alone. This is a good opportunity for him to understand more about this Leonard, and see how much he can look and be as his own Leonard. 

A long time ago he had experience the same, thought the situation was a wary one, in middle of battle with Romulans and he was running against time to find something he could relate with Leonard that may bond them for enough time to save him from the kidnapping.

Through the whole process of looking in Leonard’s office he feels a turmoil forming inside of him; there aren’t many personal thing, one holovid with pictures of his daughter, one of him and Jim, there isn’t any alcohol or food, a little box with a miniature old chess game rests on a shelf full of padds.

He lets himself rest against a wall and recite all the information he judges essential to the Enterprise. He won’t give all the information, but only the things that will make easier for Leonard to discover on his own how to deal with the many diseases and breaks that will happen.

Time isn’t the same for Vulcans and for him in the last period of his life it passes both more quickly and slower; it doesn’t surprise him that his mind enters a deep meditation while his mouth continues to speak. Leonard takes him away from the stupor hours later.

“You didn’t have to work the whole day. For a Vulcan your are quite illogical, Ambassador.” Leonard drops to his chair having crossed the room as far as possible from where he stands.

“You will find, Doctor, that Vulcans work most of the days and nights, as I’m sure your Spock has shown you in the last months. We don’t need as mush sleep or food as humans and because of that we have more time on our hands.”

“Yes, he showed me how much of a stubborn robot he can be. I wish he would crawl to his room and rest more or one of these days I will have to make him, before he puts anyone here in danger.” Leonard murmurs something under his breath and rests his face in his hands.

“If you allowed me I could easily help with that migraine without the use of suppressants that will only bring the pain more strongly next time.”

Leonard takes a big breath and presses two fingers in each temple, through his hands he can hear the muffled sound:

“I thought you would stop with these occurrences, Ambassador.”

“You may call me Spock when we are alone, I would prefer that we could be more civil to each other. And I won't take my offer, it was a friendly gesture of someone that just wishes to befriend you, doctor.”

This time is Spock who leaves, he vowed to himself to look at his own actions and give the doctor some time. It isn’t easy to go to his room and keep himself in meditation when Leonard is so close again, but he will make himself do it.


	2. Meddling

“I’M NOT YOUR DAMM DOCTOR! I’M MY OWN PERSON AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, YOU IDIOTIC HOBGOBLIN, LEAVE ME ALONE.” Leonard leaves sickbay storming through the glass doors and Jim thinks he liked when his friend could have a walk in the Academy grounds to cool off.

He thinks maybe he brought this upon himself, after all he ordered Bones and older Spock to work together and pushed them to have contact instead of both working in the archive when they had time. Younger Spock is clearly sending him disapproving looks, because he said many times in the passing weeks how much he thinks Bone and older Spock can have a friendly relationship. 

Jim knows how much his Spock is still having problems to truly befriend Leonard and understands why he doesn’t think any Spock can ever be friends with a Leonard McCoy.What Spock doesn’t know, because Jim can keep in private other people affairs is that he saw how older Spock cherishes his Bones and he has a gut feeling it is not just care, but love.

So, that why he is trying, subtly, make older Spock and Bones spend more time together. What he didn’t know was why Bones been so freaked out and skittish of being around Spock. He will go to Bones later and figure out what’s happening, for now he will return to Bridge and finish his shift.

***

After leaving Spock to look after the Enterprise, Jim took the transporter to Bones' floor and pressed the button in his door. He wanted to be easy going and hoped not to scare his friend off. Maybe he could for once avoid a huge fight.

“I’m on my time off, Jim, what the hell are you doing here? I thought your little stunt in Sickbay was enough.”

Jim looks a Bones and realizes something is more wrong then he thought. Leonard seems more enraged than usual, and the crazy eyes are back. Jim hates the crazy eyes, they represent the times in Academy he had to physically hold Bones to the floor so that he didn’t drown in whiskey or any other liquor he could get.

“Good to see you too, Bones, now be a good friend and let me in.”

He can see the tension in Bones’s jaw, the way a fist is already forming in his hand and the way this conversation will be harder, whether he wants it or not. Looking for the best outcome, he sits and jumps to the subject, when Bones is like this dragging things out will only fuck things more.

“Are you going to tell me why the scene earlier? Spock is just trying to teach you things that could make your life easier when we meet more chaotic stuff.”

“Damm it, Jim, I’m a doctor not a crazy voodoo experiment. I got a lot of experience and I think the records he made in the last weeks are enough to help me with the rest. I don’t think we need to mindmeld or what the hell he wants me to do. My head is fucked up enough without someone I don’t thrust doing a hucus there.” He sees Bones pulling his hair and biting his lips, and it is just surreal to watch him so restless again.

“Ok, I get it, it’s a odd experience, but Bones, I assure you is painless and Spock really knows what he is doing. I trust him, can you trust me with this?” Jim knows is a low blow, but he needs Bones to see things will be ok.

“I...don’t know what he does, but I get around him and I feel this overwhelming desire to either punch the guy or...”

“Or...” 

And then things clicks and Jim feels himself the worst friend in this whole universe and others. Bones is freaking out not because things are different or because Vulcans are pretty much the opposite to his explosive personality, but becase the older Spock makes him feel something he swore not to feel anymore, something he only gives Jim, and in the same intensity.

“Bones, she was a horrible woman, but don’t be selfish in this. He is just asking for you to befriend him, to just have the opportunity to be around someone he really love...” And he screwed up again, love is one word Bones hates. “Look, it’s ok if you are confused or if you think you can’t never give him anything more than respect, but don’t close this door. I saw how much he felt for his own McCoy and I can see how much he already feels for you. I will leave you alone and stop pressing, but remember, he only has one week here. ”

He leaves Bones’s room, hoping maybe they will all be ok.

***

Jim watches as Bones seats himself in front of older Spock the next day, and how even if he won't speak a word he still manages to keep himself from fighting or saying anything else that will disturb the silent truce.


	3. Could you give me a chance?

He is tired and only wanting a tall glass of whiskey to wash away all the blood he saw that day. Strangely his steps take him to the observatory and he just learned that sometimes his mind disconnects and what he wants really isn’t what he needs.

Someone is already there, looking through the see-through window. Of course it is Spock, and he thinks maybe this is one of those moments that only happend in those old movies his father was so fond of.  
“Leonard.” Spock doesn't say anything more and he is suddenly glad, tomorrow he will leave and maybe things can be less tense again.

 

It’s been a long time since anyone bothered so much and it reminds him of times when the right girl was the one that most infuriated him. And scares him all over again. This week he tried to be as good as possible for himself and the image he wants to portray, but it makes him feel something is missing.  
“It’s a good thing we’ve met, doctor. I was going to leave you a holovid and hope you didn’t get too mad at me again.”

“Well, I still can't promise I won’t be mad now.”

“I suppose not, but this is one good opportunity and I don’t want to it to pass. I was here hoping to find the right words to record, but I suppose I already re-wrote history, maybe I can be any more good then I already been or maybe this is one more thing I can save in time.”

Spock seemed more old to him than he ever looked in the time the Ambassador passed one the ship. He knows that look, is one he wore most days after divorce, one he still uses when things get to ruff. Maybe is that that makes him reach the other shoulders and squeeze.

“Maybe you don’t have to say anything, and I don’t either. Jim says we will have a planet side leave in New Vulcan in a few weeks, maybe we can look for better words until then.”

Bones swears he sees a smile before Spock returns to look to the stars. Yes, maybe he can find good words that aren't insults or at least some other words along with the insults. He knows he won’t change for anybody else again, but things can be met halfway. It’s what he hopes, looking to the stars.


End file.
